The Mugging

Puujee sits in my kitchen.  I'm worried about Andy, she says.  He called her at 2:00 drunk, and she hasn't heard from him since.  He's not answering his phone.  It's 5:00 now.  I try to tell her that it's okay.  I tell her that he's probably just passed out at the wedding somewhere.  She looks doubtful.  No, she says, Mongolians are bad guys and they will do something bad to him.  I'm really worried, she says.  Have some tea, I say, and I pour her a mug.  She just sits and looks at it.  Five minutes later, five minutes too late, I realise that this is her way of asking for help.  Would you like me to go with you to look for him if I put some clothes on, I offer (I'm always in my pyjamas when I'm at home).  She nods, yeah.  I tell her to give me five minutes to get dressed, and then we're off.  We decide to look at the hotel where the wedding was held first.  On our way to the hotel, we try to keep our conversation light, but I can tell that Puujee is still worried.  And rightfully so.  Not far from home, we find Andy.  He is on his way home.  He's stumbling and he isn't walking in a straight line.  He's obviously drunk, but he looks very dazed.  His face is red, and I can't tell whether he's been hit or not.  His pants and boxers are torn at the crotch.  Puujee runs across the street without even checking for traffic.  I take my time and make sure no crazed motorists are aiming for me.  When Andy sees Puujee, he flies into a rage.  Fuck you bitch, he says.  He spits at her.  He keeps telling her to fuck off.  He keeps saying that he's alive and that's all that matters, and she doesn't care.  Puujee just stands there looking stunned.  I tell him that Puujee does care, that she was worried sick, that she thought something bad might happen to him, and she made me come with her to look for him.  He just spits at her again.  I tell her that I'll take him home (he's my neighbour, after all) and that maybe it's best, while he's in this state, that she go to her own home.  She nods.  I take Andy home, trying to support him, make sure he doesn't trip or slip.  I try to keep him away from other pedestrians.  They look frightened.  I would be, too.  I can't understand much of what Andy is saying, but he keeps saying that he's alive and he wishes he were like me.  He thinks I probably think he's psychotic, and I tell him no, I actually think when you're sober you're a very intelligent person.  I get him home; he doesn't have his keys.  Or his phone.  Or his wallet.  Shit.  I don't have a phone either.  How will I get him into his apartment.  I tell him to stay in my apartment because I think it's better if nobody sees him like this.  He nods.  I go out looking for someone who might be able to help me get him into his apartment, and I wonder what I'll say to them to get them to open up his door for me.  In the hallway, I see Puujee.  She came back.  Thank god.  She's got a spare set of keys.  I tell her that he's in a very bad state, and I think it's probably best that she not stay.  She nods.  She opens the dorr, and then hides around the corner.  I go into my place and tell Andy that his apartment is open.  I tell him to let me check first to make sure that no one is in the hall, because I think it's best if no one sees him like this.  I bring him to his apartment, and he immediately starts looking for Puujee.  He even checks in drawers.  It would be kind of cute if it wasn't so sad.  Puujee!, he keeps calling.  She steps out from around the corner, but he can't see her.  We gesture to each other.  Should she come in?  In the end, she decides to come in.  Andy gets upset because he thinks I'm uncomfortable.  He tells Puujee to make me comfortable.  We decide that maybe now I should leave.  I tell Puujee that if she needs any help at all, to just knock on my door.  She nods again.  Fifteen minutes later, I decide to go check on them.  I hear raised voices and Puujee saying that something is hurting, so I knock on the door.  She opens it in tears and says that she has to leave.  I'll take care of Andy for the rest of the night.  He immediately forgets about that episode, and he starts asking for Puujee.  I tell him I'm pretty sure that she's gone for the night.  He keeps asking.  I feel sad for him.  I make him some pasta and tell him he should eat.  I sit with him in his apartment.  Finally I ask him if he feels safe and I tell him that I'm going to go back to my own apartment now.  He nods like a little boy.  Like a lost little boy.

The next morning, I see Andy again.  You were mugged yesterday, right?, I ask.  Oh definitely, he says.  I tell him I wasn't quite sure last night.

Top Tens

Top ten reasons to Move to Ulaanbaatar:

1. UB is not that bad.  It has department stores, a cinema, an amusement park, a swimming pool (I think), a skating rink (in winter), and an opera theatre.  Not to mention, the price of eating out ina restaurant or having a beer with friends is really reasonable.
2. Opera or ballet tickets are under $10.
3. You enjoy a good steak.
4. You enjoy nature.
5. You like to camp/hike/trek/etc.
6. You're an expert horseback rider, or you'd like to learn.
7. You come from Siberia (or Alaska, or Northern Canada) and you think that only a wuss would call -30Celcius weather "cold".
8. The crafts and souvenirs here are hella cool.
9. You only wear cashmere sweaters.
10. You want to go someplace totally unlike any other country in Asia.
11. You enjoy the video game, "Frogger", and would like to play a real live version of Frogger in which you are the frog.

Top Ten reasons to Avoid Ulaanbaatar:

1. Pollution, Pollution, Pollution!
2. Poverty makes you uneasy.
3. You are a vegan.
4. You come froma  tropical climate and can't understand how people can function in -30Celcius weather.
5. You're a big city person or you just don't like small towns (UB has a population of 1 mil, but it has a very small town feel to it).
6. You simply must live in a city that has a subway.
7. You are afraid of trying to learn a language that sounds like this: "khshkgsligsrnmkhshhhhh".
8. You just can't take a cold shower, especially in winter.
9. You are terrified of being mugged or pickpocketed.
10. You don't like long and difficult journeys on roads that may or may not be paved.
11. While you enjoy the video game, "Frogger", you do not want to experience how the little frog feels every time you cross the road.

I adore graffiti.  I think good graffiti makes a good city even better!

Genghis Khan Graffiti!!